In case you didn’t know, I’m quite the Lostnik, and I’m giddy with excitement that season three of Lost has finally begun. However, after talking to some of my coworkers about the great shows that are out there, a fellow teacher had the nerve to tell me that Lost has “jumped the shark.” Don’t worry, I stood up and defended the honor of Lost, the best show out there, but he got me thinking: how will I know if Lost has indeed jumped the shark?

Before I answer, you may be asking what “jump the shark” means. The definition of the phrase is events in a television show that mark the show is going downhill and the writers and producers will stoop at anything to try to pull up ratings. The metaphor comes from Happy Days, one of my favorite shows as a child. The term comes from the season cliff-hanger when the Fonz was challenged to jump a live shark on waterskis (no the shark wasn’t on waterskis; the Fonz was).

So, without further ado:

The Top Ten Signs that Lost has “Jumped the Shark”

10. Once Walt reaches puberty and is no longer that cute kid, his long lost albino cousin, Oliver, joins the losties.

9. Jamie Farr makes a guest appearance . . . for the third time (as a different character each time, mind you).

8. Sawyer challenges “the Fonz” to a waterski jump over a Hanso Foundation logo’d shark.

7. After having lost his arm after “the incident” at the Swan station, Dr. Marvin Candle dies in a freak accident when a helicopter crashes on top of him.

6. The losties take a boat to another island where there’s a mad scientist who switches all their brains, so Claire’s voice comes out of Bernard’s body, the polar bear ends up with Sawyer’s voice, and madcapped hilarity ensues.

5. In season 4, it turns out that Ana Lucia never did die, and all of season 3 was a dream.

4. The losties get help from that zany yet lovable Great Gazoo.

3. One word: Charo

2. At the beginning of season 4, Jack is mysteriously no longer played by Matthew Fox, but by Matthew Perry, and none of the characters seem to notice the change.

and, the number one sign that Lost has “jumped the shark,”

1. In a flashback episode, right after we see Oceanic flight 815 crash land on the island, Ricardo Montalban, comes out to the others, and says, “Smiles everybody. Smiles.”